Stop Being So Authentic: Why Leaders Should Sometimes Fake It
You’ve heard it before.
“Just be yourself.”
“Lead with authenticity.”
“Vulnerability is power.”
The modern leadership playbook has made authenticity a key mantra. Browse LinkedIn or attend any leadership seminar, and you’ll hear, again and again, that being genuine, real, and emotionally open is the way to build trust.
But what if that advice is only partially correct?
What if showing too much authenticity, at the wrong moments or in inappropriate ways, undermines your credibility, sows confusion among your team, and hurts morale?
Here’s the harsh reality: not every form of authenticity is beneficial. Not every act of vulnerability is prudent. And at times, as a leader, you might need to put on a brave face, at least temporarily.
When “Being Real” Goes Wrong
A friend of mine, whom I'll refer to as Mark, once managed a high-performing operations team during a challenging year. The company had just introduced new executive leadership, resulting in changing priorities. Morale was fragile, and the team depended on him for stability.
Mark had always taken pride in being a genuine leader. No masks. No corporate armor. He attended meetings the same way he went to coffee with friends: honest, open, and even a little vulnerable.
So when the stress started to mount, he shared it.
He expressed to the team that he felt overwhelmed and frustrated with the senior leadership's lack of direction. He also shared that he was questioning whether things would work out.
His intentions were genuine. He aimed to demonstrate that he was not exempt from the pressures everyone was experiencing. He sought to normalize stress, foster connection, and prevent the “boss as superhuman” stereotype.
But here’s what happened instead:
His team panicked. If he was feeling lost, what did that mean for them?
Doubt took root. Some began questioning the mission altogether.
Trust eroded. Not because he was dishonest, but because his authenticity made him seem ungrounded, like he was asking them to carry him emotionally.
It wasn’t that Mark needed to pretend. It’s that he needed to be purposeful.
The Myth of Unfiltered Leadership
We tend to confuse authenticity with honesty, but they are not identical.
Honesty is about truth.
Authenticity is about alignment.
Leadership is about impact.
And sometimes, these don’t perfectly overlap.
If you’re feeling anxious, uncertain, or angry, blurting out those feelings in the name of being “real” might feel cathartic, but it doesn’t always help your team. In fact, it can destabilize them.
Psychologist and author Adam Grant states clearly: “Authenticity without boundaries is careless.” If your way of expressing emotions mainly serves to make you feel better, then you’re not truly leading, you are simply offloading.
Presence Over Purging
Effective leadership isn’t about expressing every thought or emotion instantly. Instead, it involves perceiving the room, recognizing your team’s needs, and presenting the version of yourself that supports their success.
Sometimes, it involves projecting confidence even while you’re still dealing with doubts. Other times, it means holding back criticism in the moment to maintain trust. Occasionally, it requires delaying your authentic expression until you’ve had time to process and share it constructively.
This is not accidental; it is deliberate.
Consider it like being a parent: when a storm arrives, children don’t require you to show how frightened you are. They need reassurance that you’re in control. You might feel fear too, but you keep that emotion under control so they don’t become overwhelmed.
Leaders aren’t parents, but the idea remains: Presence isn’t about pretending. It’s about protecting.
The Authenticity Spectrum
The most effective leaders function in the middle ground. They decide when, how, and what to disclose. Their authenticity isn’t just for show but is a carefully maintained presence, rooted in genuine emotion and guided by wisdom.
They are not hiding; they are guiding the way.
The Science Behind “Faking It”
This isn’t merely leadership philosophy; it is supported by research.
Leaders who demonstrate controlled vulnerability, acknowledging challenges while emphasizing solutions, are viewed as more trustworthy and competent than those who either conceal their emotions entirely or display them openly.
While authenticity helps build trust, unpredictable emotional reactions can undermine psychological safety. Teams rely on consistency and need to understand which version of you is entering the room.
When leaders “fake” composure during uncertain times, they’re not dishonest; instead, they demonstrate resilience and provide their team with emotional support to work effectively.
Three Questions to Ask Before You “Get Real”
If you’re a leader aiming to appear more genuine or concerned about drifting away from authenticity, consider asking yourself:
Is this for me or for them?
Are you expressing yourself to process your emotions, or to help your team process theirs?Is this the right moment?
Some truths need time to ripen. Wait until you can frame your authenticity in service of clarity, not chaos.What do they need from me right now?
Your job isn’t to be raw. It’s to be real and reliable.
Mark’s Turnaround
Eventually, Mark figured this out.
Following a challenging quarter and critical feedback, he changed his approach. He continued to speak honestly, but no longer from a place of stress. Instead, he presented challenges as collective issues, showing emotion while providing guidance. He practiced what we now call earned authenticity, truth that emerges through reflection and is communicated with intention.
His team responded, and trust was restored. This was not due to a decrease in his authenticity, but because his authenticity was now rooted in serving others.
Intentionality Is the New Authenticity
Glamorizing vulnerability and oversharing under the guise of “being real" is common, but leadership differs. It’s not about emotional dumping or seeking catharsis. Instead, it’s about presenting yourself in a way that others can follow, even if you’re still learning and figuring things out.
So, next time someone tells you to “just be yourself,” take a moment to pause.
Be your best self.
Be your anchored self.
Be your intentional self.
In leadership, it’s not about being authentic at all times, but about being authentic in the right way.
This article was also featured on Medium
About the Author
Clayton Thompson, Ph.D., is a Colonel in the U.S. Air Force with over 20 years of leadership experience. He is the author of the upcoming book RA-RA Feedback: It’s Not a Moment. It’s a System! for building trust, accelerating growth, and creating a leadership advantage.
